According to the movies, dating a musician instantly transports you to this adventurous and exciting world where the music never stops and the party never ends. You're suddenly hanging out in cool places, surrounded by cool people who talk about cool things ("Remember that time when we were on tour...") Plus, having someone to serenade you is pretty darn romantic. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for us musicians), the movies don't show the not-so-glamorous side. After all, loving a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be (If you didn't get that reference, we're already off to a rocky start.)
1. We probably have opposite schedules.
I work nights and weekends. Ya know, when you don’t.
2. Because I spent 4 nights in a row working in a loud barroom, I probably don’t want to go to a loud bar on my night off.
I know I'm the life of the party at work, but can we please just Netflix and chill.
3. A lot of attractive people hit on me.
It comes with the job. Don't worry though; it's not because I'm actually that hot. They're just drunk and I seem cool because I'm singing.
4. I’ll probably flirt back.
Gotta make that $$$. Don't hate me for it; we likely met this way.
5. You might even be there watching.
If you let your insecurities get the best of you, this is probably not going to work out. When I'm performing on stage, I belong to the entire audience.
6. Speaking of, I’ll likely ignore you at my shows.
Don't take it personally. I'm working. You're my boyfriend. Not a customer. (Love you!)
7. I write songs about my ex’s.
I guess it is fair to say I think about them from time to time.
8. I might even write a song about you.
I definitely will not sing it for you though. I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse.
9. Disliking my favorite artist is probably a deal breaker.
You don’t need to be able to sing every line of “Greetings From Asbury Park” by memory, but if Bruce Springsteen is not your thing, you’re probably not my thing.
10. My personality on stage is not a 100% accurate depiction of how I am in real life.
I like to think of my stage presence as an exaggerated version of myself. However, in day to day life, I don’t speak strictly in one-liners and/or song lyrics. Nor do I exert the same amount of energy and excitement at Target.
11. Your parents won’t think I have a real job.
It’s going to be an awkward conversation. I promise.
12. I probably won’t be able to come to your office party, cousin’s wedding or other weekend adventure.
Sorry babe, I have a gig. But I’m totally down for brunch on Wednesday morning.
13. Therefore, an alarming number of your friends and family members won't think I'm real.
14. Prepare to become a part-time roadie.
Just think how strong you'll get constantly moving PA systems! Plus, if you stick around long enough, you'll also adopt the role of "sound engineer".
15. Get used to me singing in the car. A lot.
It doesn't matter what it is: Frank Sinatra, the Beatles, Bon Jovi, Queen, Biggie Smalls, Taylor Swift. I will sing it. I will sing all the words. And the guitar solos. At first, you might be impressed with my memorization skills. Eventually, you will become annoyed.
16. You'll probably get lost in conversations with my friends.
Common topics of discussion include (but are not limited to) diminished chords, Roland keyboards, Real Books, fake books, Stevie Wonder bass lines, who really did the best cover of "To Make You feel My Love" and and the bizarre (but compelling) theory that Katy Perry is actually JonBenet Ramsey.
Happy Valentine's Day to all of my single, taken and "its complicated" readers. For the remainder of the 14th, I'll be working and totally avoiding the inevitable awkwardness of this super awkward holiday #MusicianPerks
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